18 – Ecuador – The Remedies

For all the accolades that were heaped upon “Titanic” and its famous love song, hearing a stringed karaoke rendition in the middle of Ecuador will always be humorous. It was played at a recent community event here in Fundochamba to honor the annual mother who is selected to represent all the other mothers of the community. She’s the mother of all mothers, you could say. My Heart Will Go On was played, too loudly, as the mother of all mothers mounted the stage to be sashed by last year’s honoree. Once the song had run its course, the DJ smoothly transitioned to a stringed karaoke rendition of I Left My Heart in San Francisco. I wish you had been here to chuckle with me.

Life here in Fundochamba is going well, if only a little slow and some days boring.  I installed an enormous irrigation system at the high school last week as a part of an integrated farm project. I was actually quite proud of the outcome until the kids yanked the tube out of the cistern. Water was everywhere. It was my first attempt at being an actual farmer so, hopefully, things will get easier. To make things easier I decided to forgo the entire waiting game of the 30 day gestation period for rabbits and bought a pregnant rabbit. However, I still doubt the pregnant-ness of the rabbit because I have no idea how to tell during the early stages of the pregnancy. So, in an attempt to prove something I was not, I actually grabbed and felt the rabbit’s stomach like I knew exactly what I was doing. I did this for about 10 seconds and after being satisfied by my performance I nodded to the man selling it like I was pleased with its health and convinced of the pregnancy. Until I see baby rabbits, I’ll never know.

While in town on the rabbit purchasing adventure I began to crave a delicious hamburger. Now, you might think that my everyday food of white rice and whatever else I eat is disappointing, and it is, but I expect it to be bad. Actually, the most disappointing foods to make its way into my mouth are those food items that resemble those from back home but taste nothing like them. Hence, the most disappointing food to ever cross the threshold of my lips: a cheeseburger seasoned with chili powder and cumin. Ugh.

You should know that I’m actually working hard down here: growing crops where crops have not grown before, bringing water where water has never touched – I’m an agricultural godsend! But with this hard work comes consequences. Like blisters and large chunks of dirt in your eyes. And in these cases, Ecuadorian remedies cease not. For the eye problem, the high school janitor rubbed the striking side of a matchbox and stuck it to my closed eyelid. For blisters on my hand my family advised urinating directly onto them while peeing. This, of course, was not brought to fruition. I just can’t purposely pee on myself, even if I have inadvertently pooped my pants. This advice was given as my host mother popped a zit on my host brother’s back at the supper table. Any remedy from public back-zit poppers is immediately dismissed. Not only do they practice such acts in the company of guests but they have no toilet seat on the commode. Unfortunately, it drastically reduces my reading time in the bathroom.